1. Introduction
Human beings are social in nature, and they always have the
tendency to be in union with others. This dependence is the core of their
existence. This very concept gives wider scope to the subject. Interpersonal attraction
is a person’s desire to approach another person. “This interpersonal attraction
helps the human being to be the part of the groups and the individuals”[1]. Having close social ties is
associated with being happier & more satisfied, and not having them with
loneliness, depression, worse physical health, and earlier death. This could be
also considered as the motivational stage or the desire to approach so now let
us discuss the subject elaborately.
“Attraction is the desire and the motive, which activates and
directs people to seek the company of others or to be in communion with them”[2].
This could consider as the best definition for attraction. As the result of
attraction we could see a lot of examples in our everyday life the momentary
groups which form by the wayside, corners, hotels etc… these types of groups
considered as the unorganized groups. We could also see organized groups such
as societies, social institutional clubs etc…
3. Theories of
Attraction
3.1 Reinforcement Affect Model
This theory tells that “the positive feelings in some ones
presence increase attraction to that person while the negative feeling decrease
the attraction[3]”.here the emotion stands
as the norm for the attraction. It is no matter that the affect (emotion) is
produced by the person or simply by association, positive emotional experiences
reinforce being with that person and it increase the attraction. According to
reinforcement affect model theory the ultimate cause of attraction to other
lies in our own emotional reactions. This theory is introduced by Donn &
Byrne.
3.2 Balance Theory
This theory is introduced by Fritz Heider. The theory tells
that, people expect and desire consistency a balance in their thoughts,
feelings, and social relationships[4].
According to this theory the balanced relationships are rewarding were as the
imbalanced is unpleasant. This balance is between two people created by
reciprocity[5] between what we give and
what we receive. We are mainly attracted to those who believe are attracted to
us. We also maintain balance by liking someone whose relationships with others
are similar to ours. Thus we are attracted to a friend of our friends and to an
enemy of our enemies.
3.3 Reward Theory of Attraction
According to the reward theory of attraction “those who
reward us, or whom we associate with rewards, we like. If relationship gives
more rewards than costs, we will like it and will wish to continue. This will
be especially true if the relationships are truer than the alternative relationships”[6].
As we take into account the very concept of attraction there are two mechanisms
of interpersonal attraction. Direct Reward, Attraction by Association Albert
and Bernce Lott say that we are attracted to the individuals whose presence is
rewarding to us. This reward will be the boost for the process of attraction.
This rewarding can be classified as three. Rewarding Behaviors, Rewarding
Characteristics, Access to External Reward.
A person may shower us with attention, support, understanding and other
rewarding behavior. These rewarding behaviors will become the cause for the
attraction. There are also some rewarding characteristics Such as persons
beauty, intelligence, or sense of humor, are pleasant to behold. Some time the
access to the external rewards such as money, fame, status will stand as the
rewarding experience.
Attraction by association is a mechanism of interpersonal attraction
by which people will become attracted to people when they happen to associate
with a positive rewarding experience
4. Characteristics of
the Individuals
There are three characteristics that influence a person’s
readiness to approach another people.
4.1 Self esteem
The notion that self esteem a person’s evaluation of his or
her own worth, affect attraction to others has a long history in psychology.[7]
Sigmund Freud and Teodore Reck traced the source of interpersonal attraction back
to dissatisfaction with oneself. But Karen honey and harry stack Sallivan
disagreed on the point and supported feeling secure and attraction emerges
attraction. There by the fight started does attraction follow form weakness or
from the strength? The researchers say that both the low and strong self esteem
can affect the attraction to others. When we take into account the people of
high self esteem have the confidence to pursue potential social rewards,
despite of their risk and failures. But in the case of people with low self
esteem will have the long for positive reward from others. But it may be
affected with the fear of rejection. So they will have more deficiency in
attaining them.
4.2 Social Motives
According to the Henry, Murray David, Meclelland and MC Adams
there are two types of social motives that prompt people to seek out social
contact. They are need for affiliation (NAff), and the need for intimacy
(NInt).as we speak of the need for affiliation it is the desire to establish
and maintain many rewarding and interpersonal relationships. The need for
intimacy means it is the preference for calm, close communicative relations.
The need for affiliation inspires active, controlling social behavior with an
emphasis on breadth and quality of social contacts.[8]
The people with strong need for affiliation communicate with other more than
the people with weaker need for affiliations. For example the social events
like parties provide an opportunity for people to satisfy their need for
affiliation by enjoying a large no of social contacts within a short period of
time. As we compare to the people with low need for intimacy and strong need,
it is clear that second group has more trust and confidence in their
relationships and experiences a greater sense of well being. On the other hand the need for intimacy
gives increase to more passive, less controlling, social behavior with an
emphasis on the depth and quality of social relations.
4.3 Social Deficiencies
Need for affiliation and intimacy can be considered as the
positive social motives because they prompt people to seek the rewards of
social interactions despite of the possible failures and rejections that could
be happen in this process. There are also some troubling sides for attraction.
People may want to approach someone but they fear to do so. It is a common
phenomena and a painful one. So now let us discuss on the social deficiencies
that withdraw people to approach someone whom they desired to do so.
4.3.1Social Anxiety
In simple words social anxiety is a
feeling of discomfort in the presence of others often accompanied by social
awkwardness and the tendency to avid social situations.[9]
Shyness, social awkwardness, etc…
could be considered as the causes for social anxiety. People with social
anxiety will be afraid to be in a situation where there are full of strangers,
meet people at parties etc... This anxiety may cause in them in making an
unpleasant social interactions.
4.3.2 Loneliness: Feeling
Isolated
It is feeling of deprivation produced
by existing social relations such as taking a network of friends or a single
intense relationship. It is a common in all the social deficiencies. This can
be happen in any time it is just a physical isolation. It is deprivation
produced by existing social relations. Here the individual desires to something
different than something that is available at present. There are two kinds of
loneliness social isolation and emotional isolation. In social isolation persons
wants to have relatives and friends but it is not there. In emotional isolation
a person wants but does not have a single intense relationship.[10]
We could see loneliness in widowed divorced people because they are in loss of
their close relationship. Social anxiety is also a cause for the loneliness because
a person having social anxiety always seeks for the company of others but the
fear in him won’t allow him to do so. In this way he will be isolated.
5. Situation
As we see in the present day world we
could see a lot of news regarding the love affairs. The most recent news “Delhi has highest number of suicide cases
over ‘love affairs”[11]
Last year, the national capital witnessed the highest number of suicides over
‘love affairs’ among 55 cities, according to a report of the National Crime
Records Bureau (NCRB), which analyzed data on reported cases of suicides in
these cities.[12] These love affairs are
the after effect of the attraction that people had in between them. These
attractions will be mainly physical. Once they lose their dear ones or have
misunderstanding in between them or the break up “whether the break up is long
and painful or relatively rapid is found to depend on the amount of attraction
the two individuals feel. Thus, a very loving relationship that fails lead to
more unpleasantness, fear and loneliness”[13]
it will lead them to be isolated in their life
thereby they end up their life in committing suicide. Mostly the women have got
the more tendencies to end their life than the men. A good counseling could be considered as the best
solution for this problem.
6. Bibliography
Baron, A. Robert, Donn Byrne, Jerry Suls. Exploring Social Psychology, Boston,
Allyn and Bacon, 1989.
Brehm, S. Sharon, Saul M. Kassin. Social Psychology, Boston, Houghton Milflin Company, 1990.
Ghorpade, M. B, Essentials
of Social Psychology, Bombay, Himalaya
Publishing House 1979.
Myers, G. David, Prem Sahajpal, Pushpita Behera. Social Psychology. New Delhi,
McGraw-Hill Offices, 2012.
[1] Brehm. Social Psychology
, 198.
[2] Ghorpade, Essentials of Social
Psychology, 31.
[3] Brehm. Social Psychology
, 199.
[4] Brehm. Social Psychology,
199.
[5] Giving back what we
receive for example liking those who like us.
[6] Myers, Social Psychology, 312
[7] Brehm. Social Psychology
, 201.
[8] Brehm. Social Psychology
, 202.
[9] Brehm. Social Psychology
, 204.
[10] Brehm. Social Psychology,
207.
[11]http://indianexpress.com/article/cities/delhi/delhi-has-highest-number-of-suicide
cases-over-love-affairs-report/#sthash.5R2fDayW.dpuf
[12]
http://indianexpress.com/article/cities/delhi/delhi-has-highest-number-of-suicide-cases-over-love-affairs-report/#sthash.5R2fDayW.dpuf
[13] Baron, Exploring Social Psychology, 151.
